CLASSIFIED ADS (Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

• ILLITERATE? WRITE TODAY FOR FREE HELP.
• AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. FREE PICK-UP AND DELIVERY. TRY US ONCE, YOU'LL NEVER GO ANYWHERE AGAIN.
• OUR EXPERIENCED MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. FENCED YARD, MEALS, AND SMACKS INCLUDED.
• DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN.
• MAN WANTED TO WORK IN DYNAMITE FACTORY. MUST BE WILLING TO TRAVEL
• STOCK UP AND SAVE. LIMIT: ONE.
• SEMI-ANNUAL AFTER-CHRISTMAS SALE.
• 3-YEAR-OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL. EXPERIENCE PREFERRED.
• MIXING BOWL SET DESIGNED TO PLEASE A COOK WITH ROUND BOTTOM FOR EFFICIENT BEATING.
• GIRL WANTED TO ASSIST MAGICIAN IN CUTTING-OFF-HEAD ILLUSION. BLUE CROSS AND SALARY.
• DINNER SPECIAL -- TURKEY $2.35; CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25; CHILDREN $2.00.
• FOR SALE: ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS.
• NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME, TOO.
• WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY. WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND.
• HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION.
• TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? LET ME DO IT.
• VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED.
• MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE. SWIM IN THE LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN.
• THE HOTEL HAS BOWLING ALLEYS, TENNIS COURTS, COMFORTABLE BEDS, AND OTHER ATHLETIC FACILITIES.
• TOASTER: A GIFT THAT EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY APPRECIATES. AUTOMATICALLY BURNS TOAST.
• MAN, HONEST. WILL TAKE ANYTHING.
• USED CARS: WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED? COME HERE FIRST.
• CHRISTMAS TAG-SALE. HANDMADE GIFTS FOR THE HARD-TO-FIND PERSON.
• WANTED: HAIR CUTTER. EXCELLENT GROWTH POTENTIAL.
• WANTED. MAN TO TAKE CARE OF COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK.
• OUR BIKINIS ARE EXCITING. THEY ARE SIMPLY THE TOPS.
• WANTED. WIDOWER WITH SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN REQUIRED TO ASSUME GENERAL HOUSEKEEPING DUTIES. MUST BE CAPABLE OF CONTRIBUTING TO GROWTH OF FAMILY.
• WE WILL OIL YOUR SEWING MACHINE AND ADJUST TENSION IN YOUR HOME FOR $1.00.

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