THINGS ADULTS LEARN FROM KIDS

• There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
• If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite
• A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
• If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room
• Baseballs make marks on ceilings
• You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on
• When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit
• A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
• The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's already too late
• Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
• A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day
• A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says it can only be done in the movies
• If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes
• A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep
• Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old... Duplos will not
• Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence
• Super glue is forever
• McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
• Ditto Tarzan
• No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water
• Pool filters do not like Jell-O
• VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
• Garbage bags do not make good parachutes
• Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving
• You probably do not want to know what that odor is
• Always look in the oven before you turn it on
• Plastic toys do not like ovens
• The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time
• The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
• It will, however, make cats dizzy
• Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
• Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry
• A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, usually in retrospect)
• 2:00 AM is not a good time to hear, "Daddy, diapers don't flush!"
• No time is a good time to hear, "Daddy, your tires are 'hisssssing.'"
• You never want to hear, "Watch me fly!" coming from the roof
• Nor do you want to hear, "Your new cel phone doesn't work underwater."
• Driveway seal coating and children DO NOT MIX!
• Never light fireworks inside
• Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer
• Daddy's shoe is not a good home for a pet tarantula
• Hiding uneaten vegetables in daddy's shoes is not good
• Bugs are not a dietary supplement
• Walnuts make the blender act funny
• Scissors and hair are often a dangerous combination
• Collecting things is good
• Collecting things that come out of your nose is not
• Eating string is a bad hobby
• Discovering string the next day is a disgusting hobby
• Finger painting is good
• Finger painting walls is dangerous
• If you hear the words, "Can ya eat a lizard's tail?" it's too late
• If you hear the words, "Guess what's in my hands?" you don't want to know
• If you hear the words, "Guess what's in my mouth", you REALLY don't want to know
• “Fan” and “flour” should never be heard in the same sentence
• The toilet does not make a permanent fish aquarium
• Most toilets cannot consume an entire roll of toilet paper without choking
• Any sentence which contains the word “Oooops” is bad
• Any sentence beginning with, "How much do you love me?" means “prepare for bad news”
• Throwing daddy's wallet in the trash compactor can change his mood
• Opening all 24 of daddy's cans of beer is a bad idea
• Hiding parts of daddy's computer can make your butt hurt
• Lipstick on the TV screen changes mommy's mood
• Fish cannot use a remote control, even if it’s placed in their tank
• "Why do fish float?" means trouble
• Any sentence beginning with, "When [your pet's name] dies..." is never a good sign
• Setting the hamsters free changes the cat's mood
• Cats do not like to be wrapped in duct tape
• Cats get even

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