Life's Important Rules

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. . Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
22. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
23. Never wrestle a pig. You just get dirty and it pisses off the pig.
24. The trouble with life is you're halfway through it before you realize it’s a do-it-yourself thing.

More of Life's Rules - and some philosophy

1. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
2. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
3. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
4. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
5. He who hesitates is probably right.
6. No one is listening unless you make a mistake.
7. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
8. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
9. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
10. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
11. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research!
12. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
13. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
14. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
15. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
16. Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.
17. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
18. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
19. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
20. Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."
21. Death to all fanatics!
22. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
23. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
24. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
25. Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
26. Borrow money from pessimists... they don't expect it back.
27. Half the people you know are below average.
28. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
29. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
30. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

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